Have you ever felt that looking into your shadows is rather like visiting Dickens’ ghosts in A Christmas Carol?
Like me do you wonder what haunting chains will be clanging around your feet from a wrong word or a missed cause for kindness? Do you look back at the ghoul and tremble in bitter regret? Or how about the spirit of Christmas present! Is this encounter any more cheerful? Are relationships steady and even? Are they full of forgiveness and understanding that it is possible to please everyone all of the time? Dare you look into the ghost of the future seeking to know whether the road you will be on will be any less pitted with potholes deep enough to trip into?
I wonder! I wonder about the past year seeking its worthiness. What makes it worthy? Were my encounters with strangers and friends refining me as gold? Or were they tiresome, like being in the wrong place, with the wrong people, as if in a station waiting room shivering every time the door opened and you looked up expectantly only to find you were overlooked? Where is true connection that builds confidence and layers kindness on kindness? Where is joy and laughter and an expression in the other that says ‘I know, I get what you’re thinking. This is fun! Let’s share and shape these encounters, take risks and have adventures’. The spirit of the past closes the door with a warning, ‘leave it behind and whatever you do from now on, enjoy!’
So, here, now, in the present, presently visited by the phantom of today, I ask what changes I need to make to find such a worthy spirit. How do I change myself? How do I affect an attitude that moves quickly to forgive, gives generously without finding fault, shines light and finds laughter? How do I shape myself into this fearless person with bright eyes, a loving smile and a trusting heart? To know the person I am, to claim her and protect her essence of being and her true purpose, I am confident will bring joy and goodness! So what are the real questions for this spectre of today? Was I made for goodness, for mercy, for compassion, for joy, for blessing? Should these qualities be in my heart and on my lips every morning? If so, what exciting encounters will I have today? What opportunities to bring light and love and to engage with another’s eyes? Will I then be on a moving train to adventure? Will I know the fulfilment of each day? Will I be assured another year wont pass me by?
Should I be afraid of the ghost of the future? Will it judge me on missed opportunities and create in me lost longing, regret and resentment that what I offered was stolen from me, what I shared was abused?
No! Not if what I gave, I gave with a willing heart and to serve my true identity and purpose.
Only then will my pain turn into rivers of everlasting joy and I shall come forth as gold!